Its September, that time of year when we all adjust to the end of Summer and prepare for Winter; only now it seems there are only two seasons, hot and cold. After a Summer of record high temperatures, we have plummeted into the icy cool chill of Winter. Already I feel it all over, ‘stiff as a board’ I think as I wake, as the chill freezes my bones. I arise like Frankenstein’s creation, a mish mash of limbs sewn together to make a whole; I lurch from side to side with such a lack of grace, I feel the weight of each piece of me and my heavy heart sighs deeply.
The air feels like a stabbing, grabbing lifeform sucking into my chest with each breath, clawing at my throat, my glands balloon, my nose twitches, my eyes sting. Yes the dreaded viral symptoms, the florid flu, the Flu that can not even be called the Flu, rather flu-like symptoms. Then the Tonsillitis that is somehow not Tonsillitis, that doesn’t respond to anti biotics yet rips your throat while swelling like a sponge within. All just slightly out of reach but stretching forward, this is where the careful balance of activity and symptoms meet, where one wrong move will lead to crescendo of crushing cruel Cold and Flu, with Tonsillitis and a little chest infection thrown in for good measure.
This is it, Winter, the season to fear, every bone and joint feels the cold creeping in and every alarm in my body is ringing with warning.
So to the big question, to hibernate or to persevere and push through. Inside I know that these symptoms will be present until Spring/Summer, can I face it this year? Do I need to opt out and hide away or can I brace it out?
Well its the end of the month and I have fought it off so far, closed my life down to a simple routine based around the home, avoided all unnecessary activity, taken time to relax and tried to find pleasure in small things. I have begun to heat the house, keeping the air warm through the night, can I keep it up? Will I get there?
Well that is the question, lets see if I make it. I shall tell myself not to think about the past, not to worry about symptoms before they happen, to be kind to myself to think of the positives.
Don’t think of the cost of living and energy crisis that is upon us, that heating the house all winter may be impossible, stay in the moment. In this moment I am warm and writing and optimistic.
Back soon with more rambling hopefully.
Chris xx
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