Diagnosis

So, I remember the day of my diagnosis clearly, it was the end of the year 2000, finally I had an answer, or did I?

So, at yet another Doctor’s appointment, one of many appointments. one of many different doctors and surgeries. He turned to me and said, ‘have you considered the possibility, you have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, M.E.’ well there it was, have I considered? What the? what did he mean, have I? Has he considered giving me a diagnosis! wasn’t he supposed to be the qualified professional, shouldn’t he be telling me! Fuming, I was fuming, not only by his lack of authority and substance, but by the mention of this illness, the ‘Yuppie Flu’ as it was known, the illness that nobody believes in. Fantastic!

On reflection it was a better one than my childhood doctor had offered 10 years previously, who said ‘maybe you just need more sleep than other people’.

I left that appointment, crushed, weary beyond weary, what was I to do? How could I get better from an illness that has no formal diagnosis never mind treatment, an illness that everyone thinks is in the mind?

Next stop was a book shop, the health section, the internet was not then as it is now, I needed hard material, it was there I found the book that inspired this blog title, ‘Living with M.E’ I bought this and another and crept home to accept my fate.

Thanks to these publications, I was able to see beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I did in fact have this illness. C.F.S, sounded much better then, than M.E, as that title had been so maligned and linked to jokes of laziness and mental weakness. I wept as I read, at the unfairness of it all but at the reality that it existed and was not in my head.

I vowed then to become the most knowledgeable on this condition, that I would fight it and learn how to live. I made notes and plans and sought to try every little thing that might offer some relief from the symptoms, somehow seeing it in black and white, published, made it real for me and so I began my journey of acceptance and discovery.

Chris.xx