Well, it is Halloween today and I just want to moan. After a cold start to Autumn, it is now warmer than it should be, when we want cold dark spooky nights, instead we get sweaty breezy evenings. Clocks were put back and its suddenly dark early, the town’s Xmas lights have been hung in anticipation and fireworks are waiting to rocket.
I dressed up in full costume on Saturday night, ready to attend what was described as an ‘immersive cinema experience’, what a fool I was, standing in a queue of young people dressed as a bride of Dracula, more specifically, Lucy from the novel, with barely a sign of Halloween effort, even my own family had wimped out, my date hid in line with his full head, wolf mask, which he removed once inside. Way to feel exposed and insecure, hopefully my eye mask and wig provided some anonymity.
Well, what a license to print money the event was, a great idea and I could see how to make it into something fabulous, as it was though, in an old seedy nightclub, recently renamed so I had no idea where it was until arriving, it was wholly disappointing. Basically, they played an older weaker horror film while a few people dressed as random Halloween characters wandered around, pretending to be scary (I was much scarier than any of them) and handing out cups of popcorn and dubious hotdogs, all very dark and hard to see. The most uncomfortable seats were made worse by the cold, it was freezing, and I was thankful I had my cape to cuddle into. Still, we had paid, far too much, and we had two and a half hours to make the most of it and believe me I tried.
Why is it these events seem to always disappoint, is it the area we live in, devoid of culture, or is it that my expectations are too high? I just wanted to have some fun. I love horror movies and tried to get into the jump scares of the film, ‘The Conjuring’ but I was cold, in pain and bored. The most smiley Vampire, I gave it my all for my family companions sake, as though I were responsible for this mistake, ‘hadn’t I read the information?’, Well yes, I had, it described, live acting scenes and movie references, how was I to know that meant characters walking around and around? I only paid, I didn’t even book it, it hadn’t been my idea, they all could have read the information before accepting the invite. Why was I left with the extravagant cost of it for us all, I had expected each to pay for their own tickets., now I held the weight of all of their disappointment. Ok Chris, make a joke, hiss like a Vampire, bite a neck, offer a comic commentary to this much viewed film. I tried it all, but there was no covering that this was a failure event, we were glad to leave.
Socialising with this illness is hard, sitting still for any period of time, concentrating and paying attention is all a herculean effort at the best of times, I have mostly given up on attending events of any kind, it’s just sometimes, you can’t say no, sometimes you don’t want to say no. This was one of those yet now I am left with a heavy heart, the disappointment and exhaustion of it taken a heavy toll.
Our male companions had no difficulty letting their negative opinions out, the critical descriptions of the obvious, as though we are blind, I see yet I raise my positivity, to make the best of a bad lot, for people who like and care for each other should be able to have fun no matter what their surroundings and it is this that haunts me. I am most irritated by my date’s inability to see past our predicament and enjoy my company regardless, yes, its uncomfortable, yes, it is too cold, yes everyone else are drinking alcoholic fishbowls and we don’t drink, yes, it is disappointing but still, shouldn’t we have fun together?
Hapless as our Halloween event was, people are still decorating their houses and this year it seems more are doing it than ever before, (a result of the Cost-of-Living Crisis?) why do we try so hard, make a fuss, because the more we put in, the more we get out. It is that simple.
Right now, I am left wondering, if I put in more than I see in return? Time will tell I suppose, I know I must keep trying and doing and hoping. If I am forever to be the Fancy dress freak in amongst a queue of blandness, so be it.
Chris.xx
Living With ME 