Oh those dreaded words, yes its time to face it, Its almost as irritating a phrase as day/night reversal. Theory has it that we must pace and pace and avoid an all or nothing scenario. This is the common thinking. Well here I throw my experience in and say, we need a little boom and bust in order to live.
Yes pushing incessantly and over reaching daily is a no go, but a little managed booming can become a healthy part of your routine. I first had support for pacing when I was mother to a toddler, it was great to talk about pacing and rest breaks but it was impossible in reality. My child would not sit in a state of stasis while I practiced this ritual, no no no, life was upon me and I had to find ways to fulfil her needs while protecting myself. We came to a natural rhythm that worked well until she stopped needing a nap in the day. The key to harmony and life was just a longer pacing period. I would sleep when she did and be active when she was awake. We mixed periods of physical activity with quiet learning, social time and down time. Once she hit three, it all changed, her energy out grew this, but this was when she was eligible for some free nursery care and I then paid to top this up so that she spent her days in nursery school, leading to school and with that the seemingly endless years of the school day, settled in.
I thought life would be easier through the school years but it was not in reality, I returned to working for a few years and everything became intensely hellish. Well enough of the past, back to boom, bust.
There is something to be said for giving your all for a short period and not thinking of the consequences, pay back can be a bitch but we know this and so if we plan in a rest day following a boom day, we can sleep through and come out the other side refreshed and ready to go.
When you spend your time separating the washing into smaller tasks and attempting them over a longer time, you are filled with a negative sense of doom, that your life will always be this and no more and it will be if you allow it to be.
The well meaning professionals who advocate a life lived in coloured sections of time on a daily chart, forget that we are human and as such we need more, we need quality of life or what is the point.
I interrupt this post….
So before I could finish this post, writing from the point of past experience, I experienced my own bust, after an intense time of booming for a prolonged period. Now I am writing freshly from recent memory. I had gradually increased my exercise program and general activity levels, I had reached a point where I felt like a normal person, people were saying to me, ‘you are doing well’ and I thought ‘yes. yes I am’, I was pleased with myself, I was feeling energised and fitter and I liked it. For over four weeks I had kept it up, it felt like a move forward, until yes you guessed it, the bust! No I wasn’t suddenly cured, I am not normal, yes I can do it but only for a short time, one walk, when I had already done a lot and that was it, tonsils fired up in the night and I woke swallowing glass and fevered with flu like symptoms ready to rage. Damn it I had seemed so close to a real life, but no, my body would not let me get away with it any longer.
I lost over a week of life, I rested as soon as I felt my tonsils but after 3 days of bed rest feeling delirious with fever, I pushed myself up and out into the world, just a little exercise I told myself, a stretch and a dance. Once again I blew it, had I have held back as my daughter advised, I would’ve been back to life by the Friday, but instead I set myself back and made myself worse, flu symptoms prevailed and led to a chest infection, I coughed and spluttered and struggled to breathe, sleeping propped up in-between coughing bouts feeling literally claimed by death.
Now another week later, I am still not great but have managed some simple activity, but its back to square one, the drawing board, time to start again and rebuild. I am on a go slow, everything is hard and my head can not focus. I have been writing this post in my head, for days but still I am not sure what I am saying and wonder if I am making sense.
My chest is tight, breathing is laboured and mucus is still rising, but I am able to move and the sun is shining again, literally. Despite heat waves over Europe, here it had rained and rained and turned icy cold, I had to switch on the heating as the air at night was so cold I couldn’t catch my breath. Oh well, it was my own fault, I carried on pushing and enjoying, knowing there would be a price to pay eventually, but as each day passed unhindered, I was able to forget, just in those moments that I was ill at all. The strange pains in unusual places came and I took more tramadol and ignored them, my thought dried and my glands swelled and I carried on, when the tonsils ripped through my throat, I could no longer ignore, I rested but not for long enough, my impatience cost me another week out of life, and with chest symptoms set to continue past that. Full flu and tonsillitis take me out for a month generally so I have been lucky to be able to be back here in the library after just over two weeks. I must think to the positive, yes I must say goodbye to my routine and find a different one but I must not give up finding the very maximum that I can do regularly without causing any pay back.
To conclude, somewhere between these extremes, there exists a moderated, mutual point of balance, it is this we should aim for. Yes plan in peaks and troughs when needed, and at all costs avoid that long term boom. When I think back, the routine I shared with my young child fitted me well so I will think of this as I work out my new routine. It is for all of us to learn our patterns and pleasures and build our lives around them. I will find my own way and I hope that you will too.
Here’s to the boom without the bust!
Chris.xx
Living With ME 