Glands Up.

Its been over a week now and my glands are up. I am not sure if it is just the change in temperature and season or I am doing too much? I feel like I am doing very little, I am always worse at this time of year, the cold gets into me and makes life harder.

My glands are hard rocks under my chin, my neck is swollen, making me look fat faced, I hate this. My throat is claggy, it feels uncomfortable when I swallow but for now my tonsils havent been triggered, small mercies. I fight it back each day, hoping each long nightly sleep will push it back, but each morning I awake and it is still there. It is hard to wake and move, each swollow is tight and my nose feels bunged. Maybe it is just a cold? But no, I know it is me and not some passing viral infection. It is my own bag of infection, lying in wait, waiting to pounce and take over, heading towards flu. I must fight it off. I should give in and get into bed, but I just have things to do and mostly I don’t want to.

Trying to function with this bloated head is tricky, my brain is dull and squidgy, thoughts are hard to reach. It takes over at least, making my pains below the neck seem insignificant. Outdoors the cold air strikes and the gritty feel in my mouth and throat creeps in, one step away from a mouth of glass shards, cutting in and ripping. My tonsils are tickly, they too are waiting for the opportunity to blow up. I am riding the line between mild symptoms and worse. My body sweats, hot and cold, my temperature gauge raging. I must beware.

I spray first defense up my nostrils, throat spray in my mouth, I drink hot toddies with orange juice and brandy, this is my best tip, this helps, it numbs and helps me sleep, The alcohol clears my throat briefly. I can manage like this for a little while, a few days to a week, its already been a week if not longer and I know I am in the real danger zone, I must stop soon and confine myself to bed or the sofa and rest it out, just not yet, I am holding on, desperate for a few hours of living.

My concentration is shot, my brain is trying not to shut down but it craves the dark silence. Why am I fighting, why not give in? Well because this is how it will be now, through these winter months, tonsilitas and flu always a step away. If I don’t try to function for short spurts at least I will shut down into full hibernation until spring. So I walk the cliff of the danger zone, trying to ignore the feeling, striving to think , to move, to feel, to live.

Here’s hoping I will win this fight.

Chris. xx