I lie in bed seeking sleep, yet my body will not give in. Electricity surges through me, I am alive, I want to shout, like a creation of Frankenstein. Okay, okay, I am already alive, you can stop zapping me now.
My muscles and joints pop, an internal body popping motion that travels throughout me. Have you ever touched an electric wire fence? That’s what it is like. Like someone touched the wire and held on to you, sending to circuit through you with that distinctive sudden popping shock.
Maybe I am in a game of operation, with the tweezers touching the edge setting off the red nose and buzz. Or that game where you travel a hoop along an electrified shaped wire, trying not to touch.
The buzzes come through me, they twitch me, at least my power is turned on, I guess but no this is not nice. My body is clearly, literally miss firing, signals swish and rush around my body from and to my brain, its all gone haywire!
Maybe I can harness this power somehow, how I can never work out. My thoughts are interrupted by the constant zapping. I try to take control, to focus, visualise, retrain my brain, but to no avail. I can but lie still and let it run its course.
If I get up and try to move, I am jerky and have no muscle control, if I manage to lift a cup to my mouth, the liquid inside slooshes and spills, I fight the urge to let go, throw it accidentally away from me. Can I stand? My legs are strong but right now they are disconnected from me, I am an electrified puppet, I can not will control over this. If I am not in bed at this point, I need help to get there. The stairs loom above me as an insurmountable mountain, I can not lift my foot onto the first step, I can not hold tight to the banister.
Settled into bed I need weight over me, an attempt to literally weigh myself down. I close my eyes, light flashes in colours like internal fireworks. Where is the off switch? I am literally electric.
I realised when first writing this, that I had a metal bed frame, a mistake I had not thought of before. I changed to a wooden, solid frame, that was a mammoth challenge in itself, but I did it. Now hopefully my bed is grounded and this will help, or at least not intensify the jolts. Oh the things we need to think of. There are a number of grounding products out there and I think its time for research into this, I will keep you posted.
I wish I knew how to avoid this symptom, sometimes I have triggered it when I have gone over into using adrenaline and then its understandable but at other times it has just happened. I would like to say I meditate my way through, but I just can not keep my mind still. I bop and pop like I am at an eighties disco.
If I try to ignore it and move, it intensifies until I am flinging my limbs around, like I am a wooden jointed puppet being controlled by an evil, performing genius. Even sitting still is impossible.
As I think of it now, I couldn’t be writing this if I was experiencing it now, it seems like a distant symptom, it overwhelms but is soon forgotten, it is hard to describe, to explain. Clearly my body’s signals are misfiring, out of control, maybe it is happening constantly yet at a lower, barely perceptible level. I just don’t know. I know I am responsive to electrical currents. I am one of those people who gets zapped by static electricity easily, if I touch a car as I crawl out, it gets me.
I have a tens machine and a Revitive, that sends current through your legs, both of these help me with pain and cramps, so maybe I am harnessing electricity for good with both of these. At least when the surging starts I know I am alive and my body is working even though it is uncontrollable.
Learn to accept, Its just another symptom on the list.
Here’s to acceptance!
Chris.xx
Living With ME 