Literally my knuckle has taken over my world. Five weeks ago now, while sitting in bed, I shuffled myself over, pushing my fist down into the mattress, when pain shot through me, Oowww! What was that? I thought, ooowww, the pain continued from sharp attack to constant throb. What had I done? Come on seriously, I moved? That was all. This wasn’t some dangerous activity I was not at risk.
My hand swelled immediately and moving my finger caused a strange popping sensation. My god it hurt. What to do about it, well what could I do? As usual its just one of those joys of CFS/Firbro. I could hardly take my self off to A & E. Like always, I would just have to wait and hope it would return to normal soon.
Now all this time later, it is still a problem. I can’t tell if it is actually my hand knuckle or the tendon, but something made the popping sensation. That has lessoned now thankfully, but the generalised swelling and pain continues. I look down at my always swollen fingers, the red line of swelling across my fingers just before my main finger knuckle, a mound is raised over my knuckle, whereas there is a curve as usual on my right hand, on my left hand it protudes.
Bending my hand into a fist hurts and though the swelling has dissipated some, it is still visually clear. My hand looks decidedly younger, where my skin is pulled tight, this isn’t a bad thing. Wrinkly hands is a natural ageing process, seeing the contrast of both hands I long for a return to my younger hands.
I have tried many different things. I have taped my hand, to add pressure but also as a reminder not to use my fingers. I have kept them still, I have exercised them, massaged them. I have felt it, trying to work out what is wrong, is it the bone, the tendon, ligament? I just can not tell. It hurts to touch and looks and feels different to my other hand.
After all this time it is much better, but still hurts and that is annoying. At times it has just throbbed all night. At other times it has felt okay, I’ve thought, yes it’s over, just to have it return with a vengeance. Early on I tried to ask a doctor about it, but I did it all wrong, added on to discussion of another thing. He felt it and confirmed there is nothing to do. I have had so many similar things and what can they do but send you for x-ray or scan and nothing ever shows up in mine. Maybe this would be the one time something shows up? Maybe? I doubt it. Agony without explanation I am all too used to.
So here I am sharing with you, what else is there to do. Something feels out of place. One time while massaging I felt something move and it felt and looked better but it didn’t last. I must ignore it, but it is one of those niggling, popping pains that overtakes your brain. At least I can use it now, the popping sensation rarely happens and its nice to have a younger looking hand. Mental note, I must make more effort to moisturise my hands, to prevent looking like an old crone.
Enough of this moaning!
Chris.xx
Living With ME 