Insomnia.

It is the middle of a night and I am wide awake, yes it seems perverse, but a symptom of M.E is sleeping disturbances and insomnia. The condition can have an adverse effect on sleep quality. We can go from sleeping beauty, sleeping constantly without rousing, to total wakefulness and inability to sleep at all, despite extreme tiredness.

We are all familiar with the concept that sufferers can sleep for longer periods yet being less refreshed from this. I need at least twelve hours of sleep to refresh as opposed to the six to eight hours of a healthy person.

Right now, I sit here struggling to make sense of my senses literally. My brain is shooting thoughts around and through but I don’t really have the energy to do anything with them. When I lie down I toss and turn, unable to get comfortable due to pain, I am unable to read or watch TV. When I get up and venture downstairs to switch on the washer, may as well make use of the time, I try to run electricals after midnight in the hope of decreasing my bills; I need to lie down again, but still no sleep. I stare and wait and wonder.

Is it that I have had a busy day and triggered my adrenaline? That is a possibility, I do not feel the usual symptoms of adrenaline though. I just feel frustratingly awake. I know this can happen, in the past at times I have used sleeping pills in the short term to regain control.

There are all kinds of sleep problems that are a part of the condition. In fact there is a myriad of sleeping symptoms, that plague us. Don’t you just hate when people refer to M.E as sleeping and tiredness as if it is a simple, uncomplicated thing. I make a note to look into sleep in more detail.

I am loosing the will to live, even the dogs have given up and sleep, deeply, undisturbed by my movements now. The clock moves forward at irritating rates. Why is it that we watch it so when we are in this position, as if it will suddenly be morning and we can get up and forget this dreadful and long night. By morning, of course I am in no state to get up and suddenly find I can drift into a superficial sleep of sorts, still seeing daylight twinkle in my eyelids.

For now I will say night, night and wish you restful sleep and peaceful dreams.

Chris. xx