Today I am thinking about bones, its not something I think about until I encounter a bone problem, but actually bone pain is a continual symptom of this lurgy. When I think of bone, I picture an animal bone, being gnawed on by the dogs. They are hard and dead, solid seemingly but full of bone marrow, they love that. you can see the internal make up of the bone, all those circular cells, like a honey comb.
I pause here, I looked up images of inside bones to remind myself and find myself feeling hot and bothered. I discovered some years ago that I have a phobia of holes, well my daughter discovered it, when she held a clear bowl of macaroni in front of me, I went into panic mode, she was astonished and then curious, she knew it was a thing, trypophobia, she went on to test me with images of holes and I had palpitations and nearly passed out. Once I knew of this phobia I saw holes everywhere, it was horrible and so I tested myself daily for a while with such innocent and yet dreadful images, who knew a poppy seed head could create such a freakish response. Over time I have adjusted and can now see holes with only a mild sick feeling.
I now picture bone holes unpleasantly in my head, again they are hard and dead; but this is only after death, inside of us they are alive, those cells function. There is a lot to them but how often do we think of that. We know we can break and fracture our bones and that they can repair, but how often do we think of them as living parts of ourselves?
I am not going to get into the anatomy of our bones, rather thinking of them helps me to understand why I have pain in my bones. We can easily see some joints and recognise that these can hurt and so in the same way we can feel our bones within us. At times I feel as though my bones are being pulled and stretched but also I can feel pain searing through them, of course I can, these internal cells are alive and fluid, they grow and flex. From childhood to adulthood they grow within us, causing the expression growing pains. How I hate that term, I remember hearing it from my own doctor aged eleven and thirteen, when I complained of my joints failing me and constant pain. I heard it from my daughter’s doctor for years, she complained of bone pain from four onwards, when she had to sit crosslegged on the floor in school and walking to and from there. ‘Growing Pains’ it makes me want to stick my fingers up in a ‘V’ sign and shout.
Back to the point, if I have one. Bones, they are so important and must not be over looked. At times I lie in bed sensing the cells in my bones as they cry out for attention, I stretch and bend and massage and try to quieten the noise from them. At times I feel as though my bones are steely rods, solid and straight, I walk like Frankenstein’s monster, shifting from side to side. In stretch classes I bend like a brick, seeing others with their heads near their legs, I am upright or slightly sloped. Oh well don’t compare. At other times I feel the whole shape of my skeleton within, living, breathing cells, an internal world of blood vessels. Sometimes, while out and about I will suddenly feel a sharp bone pain, in my shin maybe or my hip and pelvis or my elbow or my wrist in my shoulder or sternum or anywhere in fact. It is hard to deal with, my very core feels damaged and broken and yet I know nothing will show up on any x-rays or scans. Currently one knuckle sticks out strangely I await a muscular, skeletal appointment, in vain as I know nothing will change it and that extra hand pain will eventually just become normal.
So I think to myself, here’s to the bone of the matter, be kind to your bones, don’t ignore those sudden onset bone pains, don’t push through that pain, those bones are sensitive and need good care.
Stay strong and stretch,
Chris. xx
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