Horrible Hormones.

And so I come to the subject of hormones, as a woman hormones have been a powerful part of my life. Now at the age of 49 I find my periods finally subsiding, with an inward cheer I await the cessation of this bloody mess that has so dictated to me.

Hormonal imbalance is another symptom of this lurgy, but how to explain it? And to you men out there, apologies, I know nothing of the male experience.

So let me begin with my own experiences; from the age of 11, I was plagued by heavy, tortuous periods that left me wiped out for days, my mother embarrassingly would write notes for school, ‘Chris, was absent from school today due to a heavy period.’ ‘Heavy period’ just didn’t cover it. Since my late teenage years I was cursed with two periods each month and spent my life trying to escape these. I took all that was on offer from numerous doctors, to block them, or lighten them or prevent the pain all to little avail. My body knew its cycle and kept to it. A doctor once stated my ovaries were each releasing at different times, which I guess makes sense. After childbirth I was sent for scans and it was revealed to me that I had ovarian cysts, Polycystic Ovary Syndrome, in fact. I went on much later to have these removed, supposedly, I was told simply, following this procedure, that ‘no follow up is needed’ which didn’t explain to me, which path they had taken, out of the two options, Remove cysts, or remove ovary? The report to my G.P. mentioned, removing the tube, with no mention of ovary and I still feel it pinging away every period so assume it still there. Anyway surgery brought no improvement and took two years for my body to recover.

The Mirena coil was heralded as my best option and I spent years with these things inside of me, only to discover, thanks to lock down, I have a reaction to these. I had been struggling for years with painful bloating and weight gain around the middle, despite diet and exercise. When my coil was left in past its life date due to the pandemic, weight dropped off me (despite no gym) and the bloating ceased. When a new one went in, my body changed within a month, back to hard bloated stomach and the side effects were obvious. I had it out and have managed without any treatment since then.

Mood swings are my least favourite symptom, the sudden burning hot tears dropping down my face for no reason. The feeling that I might roar like a lion, out loud. Period symptoms on top of my normal, wipe me out and I can not wait for them to end.

Then there’s the blood, literally the buckets and waterfalls, oceans of blood to deal with. No sanitary product can cope with the sheer volume, I remember when Super Plus tampons were finally created. Now I use a moon cup, with towels for extra protection, these have become my favourite option as I can empty as often as needed, they are not for the squeamish but better for our environment and a marvel actually.

Not forgetting, the body hair, facial mainly, my light fur becomes thick, black and coarse, like spiders legs sprouting in patches, I am not yet sure if I would grow a full beard if left but it feels that way. I live surrounded by tweezers, every time I feel the brush of a hair I reach for a pair and don’t put down until I have it out. I use an epilator too, most visits to the bathroom, I can be heard buzzing and blitzing my chin and neck. Every so often I find a long curling one weaving out from under my breast, these ones are most satisfying to remove, once you’re over the horror of it being there. Hair removal is a constant effort, I am a face gardener.

I am sure I have been peri menopausal for the last decade and am naively wishing myself into full menopause, knowing that I want HRT, yes please. Menopause symptoms sound hideous and seemingly can mess up a woman’s life, yet I wonder if I will even notice them under my usual symptoms, maybe I will get lucky? Either way I see what happens, soon I hope.

Ever hopeful,

Chris. x